Drag Me To Hell

This is a Sam Raimi move about a loan officer who decides to not allow an extension on this gypsy’s house payment. The gypsy curses the loan officer and the loan officer finds she hs three days before the final curse comes to maturity and the demon thing takes her to hell. This is a really awful movie. It either needs to be more hokey or more serious. It really could have been a quality horror film if they took the campiness out of it. Or it could be a hilarious movie if they didn’t try to be so serious. There were just WAAAAY too many times during the film, where I said, “Seriously? You’re kidding right?” There were multiple scenes in the movie where people got vomited INTO and some terrible CGI effects. There was an anvil on a pulleyed rope in someone garden shed (like most people have) and the supposed run-down homes were really nicely painted home with large weed bushes thrown in and with some junk in the yard. There was a hilarious scene where the gypsy’s false teeth fall out and she gums the loan officer's face while trying to bite her. Otherwise, it’s really awful. Don’t see this movie.

Wendy O. Williams and the Plasmatics: 10 Years of Revolutionary Rock and Roll

I’ve never been a fan of the Plasmatics, but I know they were innovators back in the day (like the 70’s). They are a punk rock group known for their outlandish shows where there’s tons of nudity (despite singer Wendy O. Williams being a feminist) and tons of things blowing up, being smashed, or on fire. The documentary is actually fairly good. It talks about early days, interviews lots of people who were in the band both short and long term. Talks about KISS helping the band out and Motorhead appearing on stage with them. Unless you like punk or grew up listening to this band, I don’t think you’ll care for it (although some of the people talked about how they spun the record in a dance club and people raved about it – I call bullshit on that point, but that’s just me). Or if you like documentaries of bands, then you might like it as well. It’s done very professionally for a punk rock documentary.

Audition

For those of you unfamiliar with Takashi Miike’s portfolio of films, I’ll give you a high-level overview (reminding you I’m not an expert, I’ve just pieced some things together from conversations with friends and interviews with Miike). Takashi Miike loves horror films, but the ones being cranked out by Hollywood over the past decades haven’t impressed him. So he began making movies that would scare him – so imagine a really scary movie, then multiply it exponentially, and then add in some sprinkles of WTF. Audition is about a guy whose wife dies and he would like to find a new one. He and a coworker decide to stage a fake movie and hold auditions for his new bride-to-be. After a ton of auditions, he finds the one he wants and begins courting her. Things seem normal to him, but we get to see weird freaky things she does. And none of her stories line up with what she put on her resume. Here is what I wrote to a group of friends about it: “I would not recommend to anyone, unless you love Miike's work. The theater where I watched it has Saturday midnight movies every week, so they kind of have a clientele who shows up just because they're lame. This movie starts out really slow, and then there is a huge jump scene. Like to the point where M.Giant and I almost shit our pants. Seriously, and I'm not a jumper. Bam, out of nowhere, I'm all adrenaline-hyped. Then you're calm again for a short while thinking, what the hell is going on and then it goes about 13 steps beyond weird and horrific and people started leaving because it was so violent and weird. Bone saws/piano wire and acupuncture needles and chopping and spraying. People were unable to deal with it. It was awesome to see, but seriously disturbing. Hilarious.”

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry has trouble with an escaped wizard (escaped from Azkaban as the name of the movie implies). Someone attacks one of the people in the moving paintings and its discovered he’s in the castle. But there’s all kinds of plot twists and time travel and werewolves and such. It’s a good film with enough CGI to annoy me, but not anger me.

Y.P.F.

This independent film is about four or five couples in various relationship states. Exes hooking up after the breakup. Friends hooking up because they want to be mentally prepared for the next relationship. Roommates who share a partner while one of them eats cookie dough. A young couple who super suppress their sex lives and end up talking more than doing it. A womanizer with a hot neurotic woman. This movie cracked me up – really. I didn’t expect much from it, but it really was one of the best movies I’ve seen in a while. It’s got a couple of slow parts, but almost every scene had something to laugh at. Find this movie if you’re not easily offended.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Again, I’m way behind, but I’m getting caught up. Harry’s another year older and still getting into mischief. It’s not as good as the first one, but only because the first one was all new characters and setting. This one sees Harry and friends battling more monsters and fighting someone who has been talking to Ron’s little sister through a diary. She almost dies, but Harry saves the day. This is paramount to “Rocky wins.” It’s a good little movie and it held my attention, despite its length.

Harry Potter and Sorcerer’s Stone

Yes I know this movie has been out forever and I’ve seen most of it. But I needed to actually watch the whole thing and make it to the end so I can watch the other ones. It’s a little childish for me with the hokey CGI effects in it. But they did a decent job with it and the storyline is pretty solid, so no real complaints. The quidditch scenes are hokey, but I’m sure they made the most of the technology. Orphaned boy turns up at his uncle’s house as a child. The wizards come get him and take him to wizard school He had adventures and ends up being innocent enough to hand out appropriate-for-kids whoop-ass. Amusing and cute at times, and other times scary. Like I said, I watched the first one so I could watch the other 18 in the series.

Star Trek (2009)

I’ve never been a huge fan of Star Trek, although I did watch more of the original series than I care to admit. But when I found out this was a prequel and I didn’t have to watch the previous 32 films before seeing this one, I actually started looking forward to this one. And I was not disappointed. Great special effects. Minimal obvious CGI and also used tastefully. Excellent use of dialogue, body language, and mannerisms from characters in the original series. Plot was easy to make sense, even though it seemed “busy” at times. Great background on the eventual friendship between Spock and Kirk. My only complaints (and these aren’t even that major) were that Scotty was introduced to late in the movie and I don’t recall Uhura being as trampy as she was portrayed in this film. It would have been funny if Kirk had taken a blow to the head which made him talk in broken sentences… I’m sure I missed a few inside jokes meant only for uber-trekkies, but I liked this film – even more than I thought I would.

A Dirty Shame

A John Waters film, so you know it’s weird. A real white bread couple have a daughter who’s got ginormous implants and due to her public nudity, she’s been arrested and put under house arrest at her parent’s house. There’s a hilarious scene at the beginning where the music in the background is all about smokey the bear and it’s all bearded fat guys in overalls whistling at the white-bread mother (Tracey Ulman). Johnny Knoxville plays a tow-truck driver named Ray Ray who is a sexual healer and turns Tracey Ulman into a sex maniac. This movie is simply a mechanism to use as many clichés for sex as possible. There’s lots of boobs, and oddly, it’s one of John Waters’ more coherent films. Still waaay out there, but it’s got a plot. It’s pretty amusing actually.