Nun of That

Nun of That is a pretty awful shoot ‘em up movie involving a vigilante group of nuns actually working for the Vatican and fighting crime – they’re called the Order of the Black Habit. All of the nuns are named after the seven deadly sins. That’s about as interesting as the film gets.

The movie starts out in a pasta bar/strip club where there’s a nun dancing. The dancing nun starts killing the Italians and then ends up dying at the hands of one of the mob bosses. Luckily the Vatican is tracking her with a TRS-80, so they know she’s been killed and can send out a replacement. Cut to nun lesbian shower scene. Then cut to a nun, Sister Kelly Wrath, who has a bad temper and has been kicked out of her convent and sent to the hood. She is then recruited (by Jesus) to fight for these assassin nuns after these Italian mobsters gun her down in an alley. Moses and Gandhi give her some fighting skills in a completely asinine musical song and dance scene in heaven.

We see the nuns go to a ridiculous dive bar called Bar Nun (get it?) and sadly there’s a nun band playing behind a chicken wire fence that gives a nod to the Blues Brothers. The nuns are fighting an Italian mob family who has been running the town and not in a good way. None of the Italian guys are actually Italian, but all are wearing these tacky sports jackets, smoke-darkened sun glasses, and have ridiculously fake accents. The Italians seem to be everywhere and the vigilante nuns are going to put a stop to them. Cut to another lesbian nun scene.

The Italians eventually capture Sister Wrath and hold her hostage. There’s a Jewish guy working for the Italian family and he has Star of David throwing stars. Hilarious. He brings up these sort of demons named Eli and Levi and they know… wait for it… Jew-jitsu. Then they fight to Hava Nagila – really stupid. The Jewish guy wants first crack at Sister Wrath, but the other nuns are on the lookout for their fallen partner. And of course Lloyd Kaufman is playing the Pope, as any terrible movie should have. Absolutely the worst ending to a movie ever. I’m not even sure what it means.

I can’t begin to explain how bad this movie is. I’ve tried here, but this doesn’t do it justice. Don’t bother with this film. I thought it would be good for a laugh and it isn’t at all. It sounds like it could be a hilarious concept but it falls flat. It doesn’t help that there are soooo many terrible puns using the word “nun” that it’s painful. The terrible special effects don’t make it any less painful.