The Room

Some friends recommended this film since they know I love terrible movies. I’m soooo glad they did. This is one of the most painful movies ever. This is the case where a random nobody (Tommy Wiseau) has too much money and decides to write direct, and film his own movie starring himself (as Johnny) and his terrible friend actors. He also shows himself naked and flexing as much as possible. In the film, the guy is going to marry his fiancé, but she’s cheating on him with his best friend. I can’t even explain all the horrible things that happen in this film. I’ll try though:

• There’s a creepy 15-year-old kid that climbs in bed with the couple during sexy time
• The creepy kid always has a football, but seriously has no business with a football
• You shouldn’t play football in a small brick room, or on a roof, or standing right next to each other in a park, while wearing tuxes, or while jogging for exercise and guy-wrestling in a completely “non”-ghey way
• The creepy kid apparently has issues with a local drug dealin’ thug who throws him around and puts a gun to the creepy kid’s head, and sadly is the most believable actor in the film
• The actor/director/producer doesn’t speak English well and has to overdub his own voice, but it sounds a drunkenly stupid as you’d expect. Oddly, Wikipedia says he's American, but I've seen people straight off the boat who have a more intelligible accent than this guy
• The bride’s mother is a terrible actor who gives the worst life lessons about manipulating men for money
• Johnny laughs after almost every line he says
• Tommy Wiseau just got a green screen and uses it for rooftop camera angles, but doesn’t really understand that when it’s windy, you can tell it’s a green screen
• Johnny mumbles during other people’s conversations like a complete moron
• Guys can have a fight in front of 25 family and friends over a girl and then be fine and laugh it off seconds later
• Guys who don’t want anything to do with engaged women say the most hilarious stupid things on the phone about needing their bodies and such
• The bride in the film has people over to talk, but only for about five seconds before she refuses to talk any more and demanding that “things will be fine”. Really, people will just pop by to talk and they will sit on the couch for less than 10 seconds and she'll say she doesn't want to talk and then throws them out
I hope to NEVER go to one of this guy's birthday parties if they're this lame, have this much mumbling, and having the host throw people out on the street for 5 minutes to get air, then back inside for cake
• Johnny gets angry when he finds out his girl is cheating and goes on this hilariously slow-paced fakey angry smashing things in the apartment rampage while mumbling incoherently
• When he puts the gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger, somehow his friends can’t tell if he’d dead or not
• Tommy Wiseau went and got some plastic surgery between filming and filming the special feature interview where he asks himself questions. His face looks terrible before, but it looks even worse aftewards
• The music and lyrics were clearly written by some of the surviving members of El DeBarge, Color Me Badd, and the guy who wrote the R&B song in Run Ronnie Run

I’d like for everyone interested in the film industry in any way shape or form (like script writers, musicians, composers, cameramen, producers, gaffers, casting folks, directors, grips, costume designers, green screen operators, etc.) to watch this film. If it doesn’t make you scream, cry, or outright embarrassed, you should smash your dreams of being in the film industry on the rocks, because if you think this work is enjoyable or even tolerable, then I hope to never see anything you ever have the unfortunate situation of being involved in. This movie is soooo terrible, you HAVE to see it. Unfortunately, I think the main guy will think this means he’s successful and continue to make films. Better yet, make copies of this movie, so he doesn’t get the wrong impression. This movie is the second worst movie of all time, and I thank V and Jen for recommending it to me. It’s amazing.