Stardust

Alright, I admit it, this movie looked watchable, if not good, in the previews. Here's the plot. There's a wall between England proper and this magical world called Stormhold. No one is allowed to cross it. Some guy sneaks across and bags some broad (I originally wrote this much less sexist, but this phrase amuses me today). 9 months later he gets a baby on his doorstep. The kid sees a falling star and promises this stuck up uber-bitch that he'll go get her the star if she'll marry him. He goes on this adventure with magic and witches and stuff. He falls in love and fights to get back to England then realizes he doesn't want to hang out in England. Enough story. Within about 5 minutes I was already annoyed with the CGI so much I should have walked out. But I was with friends so I didn't. About half way through this movie, I was so angry I could have yelled at the screen – apparently, I do that a lot… ha ha ha. So instead of getting pissed, I just charted chuckling at all of the moronically asinine dialogue and acting. So here's what you get – a theater full of people laughing like stupid sheep at the most stupid things, like a witch turning the guy into a squirrel or something. And then 30 second later, I would laugh out loud at some stupid comment one of the sheep would make about it bring the best movie ever, or I would laugh at the terrible CGI effect on this flying boat (literally) that collected lightning bolts. The boat was driven by Robert Dinero playing a closet gay man. So freaking horrible I wanted to scream. There's a group of 7 brothers who are fighting trying to find a ruby so they can claim their dead father's throne as king of Stormhold. As the brothers die, they become ghosts who make the most annoying comments. In the end, the guy gets the girl (not the original stuck up one), and he gets a new gay friend in Robert Dinero. Hoo-f'n-ray. DO NOT see this movie.