Saturday, April 4, 2009
Jesus Christ Serial Rapist
I bought this movie hoping it would be as amusing as Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. Boy was I wrong. There's no dialogue in the entire movie. It's basically a pron movie with a bad heavy metal soundtrack. However, there is a plot written on the back of the DVD case to help you out. "A schizophrenic thinks that he is the reincarnation of Jesus. He stalks other reincarnations, like Judas, and he carries out the most cruel revenge imaginable. When the girlfriend of a victim shows up during a murder, the schizophrenic then decides that it is far more satisfying to torture, rape, and kill the women of his enemies." What the hell does that even mean?!?!?! Here's what I assume happened: metal guy says, "let's make a movie without words, but with fire, hot Polish/Russian girls in garter belts and black metal." I don't know how more hair wasn't burned up in this film. There's low lighting and candles everywhere. All of the girls have long flowy hair all over the floor where there are candles lying. Why wasn't this the return of Michael Jackson's Pepsi commercial? The best is that I think it's shot in a white trash trailer/mobile home. There are blankets on cheap coffee tables and candles on tv trays. Hilarious. Don't watch this film. Ever.
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